I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
