Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
