Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
