Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
