So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
