So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
