I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
