maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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