Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
