He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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