I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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