Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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