I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
