Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
