I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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