I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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