Porn is love you can see.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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