soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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