I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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