he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In other news, I just burned my penis
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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