I think I won the penis lottery.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
