i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
