We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
