So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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