$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
