the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
