Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
