It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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