p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
