he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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