Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
