I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
honey bunches of taint.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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