Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
