Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
