Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
