Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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