have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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