I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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