dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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