What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
