My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
