I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
