goodnight i made you a song goodbye
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's never too late to be topless.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
