if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
