Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
