she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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