The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i believe in u and ur pee
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize