1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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