the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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