she smelled like a LAN party
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize