If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
