I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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