I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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