AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
