I wish I could teleport
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
