I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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