Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
