I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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