I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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