Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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