Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
