if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
