Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
