Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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