tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
