why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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