And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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