You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
